[Please note, I DO NOT mean purging as in making yourself throw up. That is a whole other topic I have no knowledge of. ]
I recently moved for the umpteenth time. I realize I move way more than the average person should so this time I vowed never to do it again UNLESS I A. Miraculousy get a job in another country like Spain or B. Get swept off my feet by a rich man that meets me while away on business and within a week falls in love and asks me to move with him. (Ok, so that last scenario sounds strangley like the premise of Pretty Woman, but so what, a gal can dream right?)
Anyhoo, I digress. So I am in the midst of packing and clearing out my stuff which I of course waited until the very last moment to do and in a mad dash I pull out all my crap from every crevice of the room at once. Now, I am just knee deep in randomness I forgot I owned and feel completely overwhelmed. My first instinct was to twinkle my nose and wish I could instantly teleport to my new place, but alas that failed. So, I finally rolled my sleeves up and started digging in. I had totally forgotton about some of the things I had hidden in my closet. A lot of which I no longer needed. My goal was to lighten my load as much as possible so this meant tossing EVERYTHING I could i.e.: the shoes I haven’t worn in a year along with the infamous winter scarves I received for xmas 3 years ago that have yet to be worn. It also meant getting rid of all the cute little keepsakes over the years and every birthday card given to me the past 5 years. The real estate books I don’t need anymore, trashed. The jeans that have holes but are so comfy I keep holding on to: trashed. You get the idea. So a few hours and garbage bags later I had control again. I found there was so much “stuff” I was holding on to without even realizing it – until I had to pull it all out in front of me and sort through it.
Hoping that I wouldn’t go through the ardous task of moving again without learning from it, I immiediately related this “purging” process to my personal life. In life, purging is good too. It is so easy for us to go through our experiences and just start collecting emotional baggage and behaviors and ideas about ourselves without even realizing it. It is so much easier to keep all the unfavorable things locked away in that emotional closet, out of sight and out of mind. Who really wants to have everything spilled out on the floor around them in an emotional mess? Not me. I do not want to face all the not so great things about myself. My habits or defense mechanisms. Who does?
But I realized that the only way to sort through all the junk and actually get rid of it, is to take the time to bring it all out in the open. Clean out the closet. Yes, it is messy but it’s the only way to take stock of what is and isn’t working for you anymore and purge the things that no longer serve us. If I don’t face the fact that jealousy and possesiveness still lurk in some deep down crevice of my subconscoious, how can I release it? It’s hard work to face the things we don’t like to admit to ourselves but so worth it to understand that maybe at one time this served us and luckily, now it doesn’t. So, with that we can acknowledge it and pack it up in the trash and send it on its way – along with the ripped up jeans that I’ve finally learned to part with. In the end, it makes room for something new and better to reside there in it’s place instead.
Photo via Google images
Holidays are a time for reflection and prioritizing (Ever see the movie, Scrooged?). Luckily, I was able to spend them surrounded by family this year for a much needed break from the grind that is NY (thanks for the ticket Titi Millie). There is something about being around children on Christmas that is so refreshing and helps put things into perspective. Sometimes you need to take a step outside of your own head, your own routine, to see what’s really important – the relationships you cultivate with others. It is so easy to lose sight of that when you spend all your time striving towards a goal or a place you want to be in your life. But my lil cousin Olivia quickly reminded me that the true meaning of Christmas is:
“The meaning of Christmas is not really about presents, it is really about sharing and caring. Because you can still have Christmas with no presents, but you can’t have Christmas without sharing and caring.”
Spoken like a girl who just received a new limited edition Wii lol. But it is true so, this holiday season I am treasuring all the people that touch my life in different ways, and that includes you (the reader).
I just want to take a moment today to personally wish a Merry Christmas to all my readers/friends/fam and anyone else who has stumbled across my blog and read it. It means so much to me to know someone out there is actually recieving my words. There are times (probably once a week) when I doubt myself as a writer. When I wonder if there is any point to the struggle. Or when I think no one really cares about what I have to say. However, anyone who has taken the time to utter the sentence “When you gonna update your blog again dude? You need to get on that,” proves me wrong and I appreciate that to no end.
Ok, enough mushy stuff. Back to the food and festivities. Merry Christmas!
I am learning in my adventures/ experiences here in NYC that you are always searching for something: either the perfect job, the perfect apartment or the perfect relationship. In my own search for all the above, I’ve come to see that the process for each are very similiar.
Searching for an apartment is very much like that of settling in on a relationship. You go through the arduous process of finding and answering ads/ meeting people/ interviewing them/making time for them and in very little time deciding if you are interested enough to commit. Of course, that means deciding what factors you can deal with. The trade off. What traits can you tolerate, what are you willing to scarfice? Same process for moving. In apartments, you figure out what ammenties you can/cannot live without and what things are dealbreakers (being across the street from the projects). Then you tally all that information and figure out if this place will do. Will it make you happy enough to stop wondering what else is out there in your price range? Will it make you stop questioning if you are getting the best deal? Maybe you should just see a few more places.
I see we do the same thing when it comes to relationships. Though, I always thought it was much simplier in thoery. I thought you meet someone and you click and that was it. I never saw it as a business investment, or an investment at all. Maybe I should have. I am having the same issues commiting to real estate that most people I’ve dated have had with committing to a title. It is an eye opening experience that is for sure. There are so many factors! I never realized it is probably as scary when it comes committing to a person. No matter what qualities a person may have, does it align with our personal checklist? If not, can we deal with the shortcomings? The lack of ammenities? Is there one trait that is a dealbreaker no matter how good everything else sounds(not agreeing on marriage/kids/bad credit). Or do you still sit up at night wondering if you are settling and there might just be someone a lil more fitting for you out there? Does this make someone a commitmentphobe? Or just superbly cautious?
In either situation, what exactly draws the line? And at what point do you actually stop the search and make a decision? When is it right? Do you count on how many items on the list are crossed off? Or do you wait for the intuitive flutter in your stomach? Do you just wait until you’ve exhausted yourself and pick whatever is there in front of you at the moment? What is the right formula for committing? I’m all for standards but when do they become a hinderence or an excuse?
I guess it comes down to a simple decision: the decision to commit to the idea itself – whether it is to move or to be in a monogamous relationship. You have to have already committed to this idea within yourself before starting the journey. Whatever the situation is at that time. I guess all these factors mentioned will play a unique part in this process, but at the end of it all there has to be the desire already in place to make the move. Quite literally. That is what one has to come down to the root of: is this what you really want? Without knowing this, all the ammenties in the world will not appease you – in any search. And now, thanks to pounding the pavement all month, I can understand that.
Funny how inspiration comes right when you need it. That’s how it usually happens to me. I might be watching a random movie or at an event and in the midst of it something relevant will present itself.
Lately I’ve been struggling with my need to control things. My need to get whatever it is I want. I like to call it ambition. Most times it is a very positive thing, I mean it’s this drive that has gotten me to where I am today. Unless of course, I don’t get what I ant and then the affect is completely catastophic to me. Perhaps it’s the attachment to outcome that I have to let go of. I go into every venture, especially romantic ones, with huge expectations for how they should turn out and a strict timeline to keep to to track my progress. Yeah, pretty scary now that I take a step back and look at it. Then, when someone else, like say a boyfriend doesn’t go along with my planned outcome, I am appalled. I am totally flabbergasted. I can’t comprehend why they don’t agree. Then, I immediately curse the love Gods for another failed relationship.
But I received a forward that changed my whole perspective on not receiving the outcome you hoped for. My buddy Mastin says:
When you don’t get what you want it is usually because the Uni-verse is preventing you from selling yourself short.
Celebrate NOT getting what you want as much as getting what you want. There are invisible hands guiding your life that have your best interest in mind.
If something or someone has walked out of your life see that circumstance as protection and also being in your best interest.
Not all of life is pure joy, but sometimes we have to go through the temporary pain of letting go to be open and able to receive something better and brand new.
I found this incredibly timely as my heart is healing from another releationship gone awry. I was trying to do everything in my power to make it work despite how stressful/hurtful it was becoming. This troubled me. But this quote reminds me that sometimes things are just not going to work AND THAT IS OK. It’s more than ok. It means there is something even better in store for us. Sometimes we can’t even comprehend the possibilities that are waiting for us. So much that we are so eager to sell ourselves short. Luckily, the universe doesn’t let us.
So, today I am celebrating the NOTs. Not being with the wrong person. Not being in the wrong job or career. Instead, I am excited about the “what ifs” that are still on the way.
For more cool quotes from Mastin sign up @ www.TheDailyLove.com.
Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend that gave me a beautiful Movado watch as a gift. It was the most brilliant, expensive gift anyone has ever gotten for me and I adored it. Then a month later I inexplicably lost it. I was indeed, super devastated – as was he. I was sure our gift-giving days were over. I looked down at my now naked wrist and cringed. But in my mind, I believed that I would get my watch back one day. I decided to wear something else there, as a placeholder, just until I came across said watch. So, in its place now stood a handmade, string bracelet I got as a souvenir from Mexico from one of my homegirls. Def not as jazzy, but I figured it would do. I said to myself, “this is just until I get my watch back.” With that small action, my intention was cast out to the universe. I didn’t worry about the how part of my plan, just the end result. I never found my watch but 2 months later my bf did buy me another one to replace it (which was even more surprising). I totally did not expect this to be the how. But it didn’t matter, low and behold; I am wearing a watch again. And I believe it was because I knew in my heart of hearts I would – and my lovely lil Mexican bracelet did its part.
This small incident reminded me of what I needed to do in other areas of my life when setting goals. There are times when I forget the power within we all have to manifest the things that are important to us, especially when I find myself in a rut. Things like Paying down debt or becoming a published author may seem totally overwhelming and I sadly let that cloud my belief. It was so comforting to realize that I have put things into action many times in my life and that I can easily do it again. I mean, I got myself through college without anyone in my immediate family able to show me the ropes. I just knew since I was 10-years-old that I was going to college. I didn’t have to figure out “how” I was going to pay for it. All it took was the undoubted belief in my intention. Many times in our journeys we get caught up in the “how” and it becomes a huge roadblock. How can that be possible? And really, that is not what we need to worry ourselves about. All we need is the belief that it will be and the universe will take care of the rest. And believing is a big enough job on its own.
The cliché “actions speak louder than words” seems fitting here. You can say what it is you want out loud, but it’s taking an action toward it that will solidify that you truly believe in it. So, whether it is holding a place for your watch to return or creating a budget for paying off credit card debt, that small act is all it takes to put your intentions into motion. Now, whenever I look down at my wrist I am reminded of this.
When I first heard that my job would be sending to Miami to cover the Pedro movie screening event at Florida International University, I was elated. Most likely, because this is was the first time I’ve ever traveled on the job’s dime, AND to glamorous Miami at that. Besides that was the fact that I would be staying at the Shore Club AND interviewing Residente of Calle 13 which was of course, the icing on the cake. Although I work for a Latin entertainment company, I rarely like a lot of the artists that come through our doors. This was one exception and I was thrilled!
The Shore Club did live up to it’s chic expections with every room and lobby space adorned in all white. When I saw a member of INXS checking in next to me and Floyd Mayweather chillin with his entourage in the cut, I knew I had arrived. But it wasn’t that aspect of my trip that would be most exciting. Nor was it dining at Nobu, or popping bottles with Venezuelan pop stars, or hanging out with the cast of the Pedro movie themselves (although everyone was totally cool don’t get me wrong).
No, I think as far as touching moments go there are two that are most memorable for me and are tied for first place.
First off, interviewing one of the few Latin rappers I actually LIKE, Residente of Calle 13. And not because he is super cute and Puerto Rican (well a lil bit), but because I got to see a different side of him when I asked how he has been affected by the AIDS epidemic. Always a fan of his socially conscious songs, I expected his interview to impress me. However, he earned a whole new respect from me when he candidly opened up about his family members living with and dying of AIDS. He spoke about the importance of safe sex as someone who actually meant it. And he showed me getting tested is so important he carries around his results in his wallet.
So I don’t know which moment wowed me more – that conversation OR hearing an audience full of students sniffle at the end of the Pedro movie. I was so touched to see that Pedro’s message and life still can inspire so many people after so many years – especially with his entire family sitting right there in the audience with them. SAdly, the AIDS epidemic is only growing but I think we’ve just recruited a new league of soldiers in the fight against it.
Check out what else Residente had to say in my interview on Blogamole. Catch Pedro when it airs on MTV Tr3s on April 1 at 8pm.
I know this blog is long over do, but I do thank you for your patience and actually checking back here after so long. I have been going through a serious transition period (aren’t we all). Lots of moving going on in all aspects of my life. Now that the dust is starting to clear, I have time for some reflection. Perfect timing, being that the New Year is quickly approaching.
Out with the old, in with the new right? In this time of cleansing and rebirth I am finding out the key to abundance is making room for it. Making the space for the things you want in your life to fit. If you make it, they will come – remember that saying? I know now it is true, if you honestly believe it.
With my new move I’ve gotten quite familiar with cleansing lol. I’ve had to physically clear space for new things. Clearing out drawers of old clothes I don’t use anymore. The funny thing is, with the new empty space I find new clothes miraculously appear. And that can be true of any other aspect of our lives, even matters of the heart. I had to clear space out there too in order to have someone new occupy space. Who knew simple physics would come into play here.
So, how can you clear out space emotionally? Not as tangible as throwing out garbage, but just as easy. I’ve learned you make space for more abundance when you are truly grateful for all the gifts you already have. (Thanks Mama Gena)
So, to start my new year off right, I am composing my year-end gratitude list.
I am super grateful for:
1. Obama winning the election. Seriously.
2. The sun shining when it does.
3. Unconditional love in all its forms.
4. Mel’s couch.
5. My cousin’s loyalty and coordinating skills.
6. My job, from which I write this. Shh
7. My family, both blood and spiritual.
8. Anyone who has ever made me laugh.
9. My health
10. All the times I’ve sweated out my hair dancing.
11. Music that makes me happy to be alive
12. Writing because I love to
13. My new home
14. Those who teach me new things
15. Anyone who has ever inspired me
16. Quiet time
17. Yogi tea
19. Dancing in the mirror
20. Movies that make me cry
21. Friends who have always supported me.
19. My dreams. Cause they are all mine
20. The will to go after them.
The list can go on and on, but you get the idea. What’s on your gratitude list? What are you grateful for just from today?